two years ago today, i received one of those phone calls we all dread. i remember the few minutes afterwards eerily clearly. sitting at my workstation, i couldn’t decide wether to sit down or stand up. my body went into a kind of revolt against itself. growth is painful. our entire lives we are meticulously trained to avoid painful events and bask in the comfort and laze of ease and luxury.
since then, i’ve discovered the meaning behind my life, and it has nothing to do with being right. or being better / greater than. or winning. i have realized i define my world; heaven and hell / bliss and suffering / enlightenment and ignorance are nothing but states of mind through which we engage with this plane of reality. even the dichotomous nature of these seemingly polarized entities is a construct of western civilization’s simply bizarre approach to death.
i choose to use the sudden loss of my father as a sobering realization: it is up to me to interpret every event in my life. If I choose to walk through my life as a victim, deciding to personalize negative connotations as an attack on myself, I will undoubtedly lead an incredibly stressful and difficult existence.
so i choose not to.
instead, i choose to use hardship as a learning experience, discomfort as incentive to grow and pain as a screaming realization that i am indeed alive.
i demoed this version of “wild horses” by the rolling stones in may, and while i never planned on sharing it with a public audience, i think my father would appreciate it, and probably tell me to relax.
so that’s what i’m going to do.
i love you all, thanks for listening and taking time out of your day to ingest what i have to offer.